The sleeping owl wakes from sleep disguise
For mysterious spirits of the night
Leave their misfortunes in his amber eyes
Taunting they urge him to take ceaseless flight
Slowly creeping in the bright midnights moon
A sly mouse hunting for the winter's food
Cloaked in darkness a crafty opportune
Ignorant of predator's hungry mood
Winged in quiet starless night, the owl hunts
Looking for his innocent soundless prey
Both hunter and hunted meet and confront
A swoop n' squeal end mouse's last day
For obtuse old mouse the story is done
Though tale of owl has just begun
Hydrofoil Moth
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1 comment:
Jordan--
that was a really good poem, i enjoyed it a lot. you have some great descriptions and imagery throughout the sonnet. it has a nice flow and rhythm to it as well.
you have a lot of big vocabulary, which is great, however at times it could seem a little too much, making it a little difficult to understand. i don't know if you want this effect on the reader or not, just letting you know that it made it somewhat harder to comprehend for me at least. on the other hand, your vocab really helps create the imagery, which i wouldn't want to sacrifice.
also, im a little confused-- in the second stanza you say it is a sly mouse, but in the fourth stanza you call it an obtuse old mouse. obtuse and sly kind of contradict, so you may want to clear that up.
and like you mentioned, i know that you have a metaphor in this, but if possible maybe try to make it a little more obvious; im not sure if i understand the metaphorical part to this sonnet.
otherwise, i liked it a lot and it showed a lot of work. great job!
-kim
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